The “F” Word

Gotcha!  That is not the word we will be exploring today.  I was really thinking Fairy, as in Tinkerbell. *giggle* April is my birthday month – 65 years young – to be exact!  Other than contemplating fairies, I have been giving some thought to other “F” words that have impacted my life.

FRIEND is a marvelous “F” word and it goes hand to hand with FAMILY.  One definition for friend states:  “a friend is a person one likes”.  That is an understatement. Many acquaintances have enriched my life and I liked them.  However, those I consider to be friends are much more than just people I like.  I do not make friends easily.  In fact, I’m quite particular about who I call my friend.  The reason is this:  while my sons, who I adore and love unconditionally, are my blood FAMILY (the only blood family I believe I have left), my friends are my adopted FAMILY.   Family is no longer just blood ancestors.  My younger friends are like my “children”, those closer to my age are “sisters” and “brothers”.  The pets in my life are also my friends and a few are part of my family. I have my two kitties, Jiji and Kat; plus grandkitty, Grayson and my grandpups, Nuk and Bruno.  I love and trust all my friends – 2 legged and 4 legged.    A precious part of my life that I cannot take for granted.

FORGIVENESS  is a challenging “F” word.   Forgiving is vital to a healthy body, mind and soul.  Holding grudges and being angry saps away your life.   Being able to forgive another is so life affirming and I highly recommend it no matter what age you are.   Strangely enough, it is easier to forgive another then it is to forgive yourself.  I battle with myself constantly with regrets and what ifs, the fruits of not being able to forgive myself.  At age 65, I think I finally have realized I cannot go back; there are no do-overs.  I will admit that I have wasted a large chunk of my life being angry at things I’ve done or didn’t do.  I’ve berated myself for failures and hated myself for doing so.  It’s time to be gentle and loving to myself, to forgive, maybe even forget.  Life is getting shorter – too short for me to keep beating myself up over things I cannot change.  If I can be forgiving and loving toward another person, I can do the same for me!

To err is human; to forgive, divine.  Alexander Pope

As a closing note, the “F” words I can’t seem to write about have the biggest effect on me – FAITH and FEAR.  I’ve tried to write about these words, but they are so complicated that nothing I write begins to touch the impact they have on my life.

Faith is a very private word and means many things to many people.  The use of the word faith never touched my heart more than when I heard the Disney phrase, “Faith, trust and a little Pixie dust”.  A special moment that made me come to terms with some very private feelings.  That seems very simplistic and smacks of fantasy, but it works for me.

Fear is a complicated word.  Fear can propel a person forward or cripple them.  I will admit that I fear failure and death.  Those two fears have dictated a large portion of my life.  So many times I have found myself figuratively curled into the fetal position so frightened that I am frozen in darkness.  I don’t know that I will ever be able to face these fears.  Perhaps some day I will be able to write about their impact on my life and in facing them, move into the light.

As my birthday month comes to a close, I wish for you all “faith, trust and Pixie dust”.  Never lose the magic of friends, family and forgiveness!

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